Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you out there that are mothers of any kind.  You might be a mother to some animals, or a mother to children lost to miscarriage.  Maybe you mother your hubby who still needs that mothering hand.  Maybe your children don’t talk to you or they talk to you too much!  In any case, Happy Mother’s Day.  I salute all of you.

I’m a mother to three children.  They may not consider themselves children – I know my 15-year-old considers herself an adult but no matter what age they get to, I’ll consider them children.  They are my babies and I doubt I will ever look at them and not glimpse a sight of their younger selves.

I really miss my Mom.  This is my sixth Mother’s Day without her.  It seems like so much longer.  I miss being able to drop by and just sit watching TV with her.  I have such fond memories of my childhood – I wish I could recreate the simplicity and care free feeling for my kids.  I don’t have blinders on – she wasn’t perfect.  She didn’t like driving and she didn’t really attend my concerts during my band years but even growing  up, I didn’t judge her.  And that is a tribute to her.  She was accepting and open-minded for most things and I feel that is one of the best lessons a parent can teach.  There are days that I am so lonely for a word from my Mom that I ache inside.  I think I will always miss her.

One thing that my Mom was very open about was the fact that I was adopted.  Growing up, I felt so incredibly special because when she would talk about it, she made it clear that I was lucky enough to have two Mom’s that loved me.  One that carried me before I was born and then her, the  Mom who carried me after I was born.  I can still remember the first time I remember her telling me about it – I actually went to school the next day and matter of factly told everyone how lucky I was to have two Mom’s.  I felt very secure in the fact that I was very loved.  As I got older, Mom told me that if I wanted to find my birth mother, she would support me in any way she could.   I always felt, based on my Mom’s words and openness, that my birth Mom must have loved me an incredible amount to give me up after I was born.  However, it wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I totally understood how wrenching the decision must have been.

After Mom died, I was on the computer when a website popped up on my screen.  This pop-up was the website that ultimately led me to finding my birth Mom.  Since Mom always told me she would help me find my birth Mom, I felt sure that this occurrence wasn’t just coincidence.  This was my Mom leading me to her.  And I did find her based on the pop-up website.  I wrote her a letter basically thanking her for giving me a great life full of opportunities and love.  I didn’t want to disrupt her life unless she was also wanting to see me.  It was such an exciting day when I got an email back!  My Mom was totally proved right when I was lucky enough to meet Kate (same name as my Mom; and the coincidences didn’t stop there!).  It was an emotional reunion not only with her, but with my birth Dad and some full siblings!  I loved talking with her, seeing her and just sitting with her.  We had so many similarities; I had read over half of the books on her bookshelf; we loved the same television shows and movies; we had so much in common!  She was special to me and I was grateful that she was willing to share her life and family with me.  Sadly, I lost her shortly after meeting her and I feel her loss everyday.  But I will always be thankful that we were able to meet and talk before she died.  I only wish we had more time together.

So I thank my beautiful mother’s on Mother’s Day.  I miss them with an ache that will never go away.  But I know that I am lucky to have been loved by two very incredible women……..

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