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Happy New Year!?

Yup – it is that time of year again so I wish each and everyone everywhere a very Happy New Year!  I guess I need to wish myself a happy new year as well and wish for myself the same things I wish for everyone else.  Good health, good life, good relationships, good luck.  It is funny how there are people (and I’m one of them) that just don’t think that we deserve the same good things we wish for others.  Somehow, when I take my own inventory, I come up short.  I used to not be so hard on myself.  I would even say I liked myself a good bit more at that time than I like myself now.  If I were a friend of mine, I would reassure myself that I am worthy of good things and that I’m just going through a slump right now.  But this slump has lasted for years.  My feelings are reinforced by what I’m going through at work and the fact that I can’t seem to make friends.  I’ve always been pretty private and it has always been hard for me to make friends; but I’ve always had a few people I could depend on.  Now, not so much.  I don’t know if is my personality, my actions or my social anxiety that pushes people away.  I want to make the changes necessary to rediscover happiness.  So far I just keep waiting for things to happen.  When xxx happens, then I can xxx and be happy.  But reflecting on this, I can see the mistake in just waiting on things to happen.  I need to make things happen in my life.  Perhaps I’ll lose my job in the next few weeks.  But that might just be the incentive that I need to make a major change for happiness.

Not to worry – I’m not at the end of my rope right now.  I always feel reflective on life at the end of the year.  I don’t know why, but a new year does not excite me; it saddens me.  Maybe I see the ticking of life and another year passing as a scary place to be but it is up to me to change my perspective to thinking of things from a place of joy.  I would like to feel contentment again; I would like to find financial peace again.  Perhaps this is just a listing of new year priorities.  It is a good reminder to me that I’m not just riding around the sun each year waiting on things to happen to me.  I can be the change I want to see in my life…..

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