It was destined to happen. After all the preparation and wrapping and looking for just the right gift, we finally, finally opened our Christmas gifts! I personally don’t get many gifts; I’m very appreciative of my oldest daughter who proclaims that Christmas is a stupid holiday but goes out of her way to be sure she has a thoughtful gift for me and her Dad as well as her siblings. Money is tight this year so I couldn’t do as much as I wanted to for the kids but I tried to buy meaningful gifts. I listen to them throughout the year and when they see something they really like, I make a note of it. By the time Christmas rolls around, they have forgotten about the item but not me! I try to be sure it wasn’t just a passing fancy but something they really want and I do what I can to provide those gifts. I really love buying gifts in general; buying gifts that are actually wanted is even better!
It wasn’t the Christmas that I wanted. It wasn’t even close. Even trying to open the gifts was difficult when trying to coordinate everybody’s schedule (and really, it is only four people!). But it was the Christmas that we had and that was good enough for this year. I bemoan how things turned out but in looking at my actions, I did nothing to foster how important this was to me. As is my nature, I expected everyone to read my mind and just know that I wanted it to be a special day. But did I put up a tree? No. Sure, I had my reasons but that too was kept close to my heart. I used to decorate early and then on Christmas Eve I would get out glitter and sprinkle it around a big boot to make Santa Claus footprints from the fireplace to the tree. Then as they got older they lost the magic they used to feel for the holiday and I let their attitude affect how I decorated and expressed my love for Christmas. No wonder it has been so low key the last few years. I will make an effort to fill the holiday with the traditions I want to see and not let myself give up on enjoying things that bring me so much joy…..