Oh the torment! Today was to be my first french class and I had been looking forward to starting on my voyage en français! But unfortunately, french had to take a back seat to mom duties! Lucy had a dentist appointment at a time that worked for me but then I learned that she had to do some kind of activity at school that was for the ACT. The ACT that she has been studying for and preparing for and that we hope will result in scholarship money for her college education! So her appointment was moved right into the time frame that included my french class. It was just a cleaning and my class was an hour and a half so I had high hopes that I would be able to attend the last half of the class but of course the dentist was running behind and she didn’t finish her dental cleaning until after the end of my class. I did try to get her Dad to take her but he has a busy schedule and tends to leave all transportation to me.
I was surprised at the sense of loss I felt by missing a class. It is actually refreshing to have so many things to look forward to. The last number of years I have felt numb to positive emotions. I remembered what happy felt like and I wondered why I never felt happy anymore. I even asked my doctor if any of my medications numbed my emotions. I went though a time wondering if something was wrong with me. I just had so much stress in my life that I couldn’t get out from under it. And it wasn’t just work that stressed me; it was money, cars, my house…..everything stressed me to levels that I just couldn’t handle. When I knew that I was going to have to retire, that stressed me as well.
It is amazing how getting rid of one area of stress can open your life to a better existence. Getting rid of my work stress lowered my overall stress and suddenly I found I could manage other problem areas. My sleep became more restful and happily some of my old self reemerged. I don’t feel like I’m 100% yet but everyday brings more joy and I find I remember how to feel happy. Everyday it seems to get a little easier – I still feel stress but it isn’t all encompassing anymore. Happiness is definitely a habit I can life with……..