I saw a Saturday Night Live (SNL) skit that involved a group of friends watching a football game. One person would say something funny and the other friends would expound on the idea and the friends would laugh harder with each round. It was camaraderie at its best! Until one particular friend tried adding to the conversation. Everyone stops laughing and asks him what he is talking about. Or his words would get sucked into a void as if he had never spoken. I am that particular friend. Oh sure, it made for a funny skit and I laughed as I watched. But maybe it isn’t quite as humorous if you are that awkward friend.
I don’t really know how to shake that awkwardness. I think self confidence has a lot to do with being able to speakup and be heard and I’ve never been all that confident. I hate that I do this, but as I tell a story, I have excess pauses in my sentences; not really a stutter, but an opportunity for others to interrupt. Over the years, I have become so accustomed to being interrupted, that I literally have added a gap in my speech pattern to enable others to interject their thoughts. And then I just sit back and listen, letting my thoughts dissipate into the ether.
That is one side of it. The other side is my shutting down a conversation. It doesn’t really matter if it is a written conversation or a spoken one; if I see a Facebook conversation that has been getting steady comments and I add my own unique brand of {misunderstood!} humor/insight, the exchange hits a brick wall. I can check days later and mine will still be the last comment. Hmmm…maybe my input is so profound that there is nothing left to say, but I sincerely don’t think so!
In person, I am actually more likely not to be heard. Although I have shut down many a dinner conversation! As one of my favorite fictional characters, Adrian Monk, would say, “It’s a blessing…and a curse!” I admire those that communicate well with others; I watch them and don’t see what they are doing differently from me. It confounds me! But you don’t get to the age of 60 without learning to accept your limitations {I guess that isn’t in stone; I have met people who haven’t even acknowledged they have any limitations!}. One also learns coping techniques but it doesn’t stop me from wishing it were easier.
In the grand scheme of things, being the awkward friend isn’t so bad. I have friends and when I talk to them, {or at least try to talk to them…usually listening gets me better results!} many of them think they are the awkward friend! We all have our cross to bear and this is a fairly light cross compared to what others are carrying. To all my awkward soulmates out there – hang in there! I would be happy to give you an ear…..
I Was Just Saying 